October 13, 2009 - I think I'll be discontinuing writing
here...for a while anyway. I really don't have much to talk about and if I
ramble on about local things like gravel trucks going down the road too fast and
too often, or wanting people to see the benefits of voting for TABOR, or whining
about the retardedly high property taxes and the lack of good-paying jobs with
any sort of benefits because this state is so incredibly fucked up...well, I
inevitably wind up pissing someone off or getting my own blood pressure up, and
that really does no one any good. If I share about my personal life and
vent frustrations or concerns about it here, no good comes of that either.
So, seeing as these things really are the only materials I have to work with,
I'm just gonna shut up now. I'll get back to what this silly little
website in cyberspace was supposed to be about in the first place...sharing my
animals with people. I'm going to work to update their pages with new
stories and new photos and that's that. I'm definitely no Erma Bombeck, so
why even pretend. I'm tired of fucking myself (and others) over.
September 28, 2009 - Hell of a weekend. I'm finally
coming out of this flu thing and Luc has weathered it incredibly well himself.
I dunno if it was a fever spike or the effects of the cold medicine, but I
decided to just hop on Jill and ride bareback down North Road all
the way into Etna, which is quite the little hike. It was an absolute
blast! Man I love that fat, round, SLOW, and safe horse. She is just
a love. Luc even got the nads to hop on her and take her for a little walk
around the yard! She took me for another great bareback ride on Sunday, in
the rain, and it was just magical. The whole trip I was giggling and
grinning like a total retard. You couldn't have smacked that smile off my
face. Jill knows exactly which driveways to slow down at too, as she has
several fans along the way who will come out to pet her and give her treats.
Shit like this makes me really love where I live. Oh ya, almost forgot to
share...Toby turkey has really been "puttin' the meat" to Theresa turkey.
If they try to raise some youngin's this time of year, man, I may have to make a
hole in the house for them or else the babies will freeze for sure!
September 24, 2009 - Both Luc and I have been down for
the count with some sort of flu. Mine has been going on for over 2 weeks
now, Luc is still struggling through week 1 of his. Major bummer. It
has been absolutely GORGEOUS outside and neither one of us has the energy to do
anything except maintain. I snagged some photos this morning--we just got
some rain, the first rain in a long time, and everything suddenly looks green
again. We have yet another new addition to our family. His name is
"Fred" and he is a little rabbit courtesy of our hay-farmin' friends Betty and
Kurt over in Dixmont. Like everyone else, he will be getting his own page too.
I'm just working in slow motion these days getting these things done is all.
Here is stuff I got to see this morning on my way outside to tend to the
critters:
These are 5-year-old Concord grape vines that I was told by multiple growers wouldn't grow up
here because it's too cold. Guess what...
This is the pasture on the left side of the property. No more animals
allowed on it until its covered in snow--almost nibbled down to dirt.
This is Fred!
He is very friendly. He lives in the brooder box by night (which doubles
incredibly well as a hutch!) and has free range of the coop and fenced area by
day. I learned he LOVES fresh basil and baby spinach as well as carrots!
Maggie and Jill watching me and wondering why I have a camera in my hands and
not their breakfast.
September 17, 2009 - Holy crap Luc did it! He fixed
the beloved "HamCam!" Now all that's left is for us to get the spotlight
adjusted properly so people can see images at night, but otherwise it looks like
it's back up and running! Here's keeping fingers and hooves crossed it
stays up and running because I know I sure missed it! Thank you Luc!!
September 11, 2009 - Late summer and autumn is my favorite time of year. There is a country
fair or farmer's market going on just about anywhere, showcasing the local
flavors, sights, and smells put together by some amazingly hardworking people.
Even if you can't find the time to visit a fair, you can find a farm stand or
apple orchard to visit, or even a little nook in your local grocery store with
local produce. We drive by a local winery storefront all the time but have
never stopped in because, really, do we look like wine snobs? Anyway, this
joint
Winterport Winery produces "fruit
wines," i.e. wines not made with grapes, rather different kinds of fermented
fruit. Oh it looks all hoity-toity with it's fancy facade and rich wood
anterior and wines all on display under fancy lights that show them off like
precious gemstones, but belly up to their bar and you can sample all of their
wines FREE OF CHARGE and have yourself a total giggle fest like I did. If you like a sweet
wine, I highly recommend the "Berry Chocolate" wine...holy crap was that good
but the bottle was a little small for my liking ;-) Luc didn't like
it--it's definitely more of a chick wine. He liked one of the beers they
had though. We wound up bringing home a bottle of their apple wine.
Though it is made from apples, it is more like a dry white wine than say hard
cider. It's not very sweet and sadly not really chuggable. I like to
gulp wine for the buzz...this stuff has to be sipped whilst munching something
like...THE BEST GOAT CHEESE on the
planet! I love goat cheese, unfortunately most of them seem to taste like
a billy goat smells. I guess some people dig this. I do not. I
like a goat cheese to taste like a nice feta or a nice cream cheese. This
stuff is just magical. It is from
Appleton Creamery in Appleton,
Maine, that wine store sold it to me, and it tastes like a very mild feta but is a lot more creamy, not
crumbly. It is certainly not as salty. It's very spreadable. I
put it on some fresh apple slices from a local orchard,
Maine-ly Apples in Dixmont, Maine,
and it paired wonderfully! The cheese is sitting in a wonderful bath of
olive oil with peppercorns (those berries that you see in the photo are
peppercorns), crushed rosemary, and bay leaves on the top. There was even
a garlic clove in there but I wasn't adventurous enough to pop that in the ol'
pie hole! Anyway, put them all together and you have a decadent
late-summer treat to make you feel like an absolute member of royalty. I
ate my fancy-pants snackie snacks in my jammies while playing cards with Luc.
A good time indeed. So, get your ass out there and explore where you live.
You just might be surprised at what's out there to be found!
September 8, 2009 - Due to multiple requests, by people
obviously more bat-shit crazy than myself for actually missing this crap, I'm
putting this stupid "blog" shit back up here.
Luc and I went to a local gym for a free 1-week trial thing.
It was frickin' AWESOME. We walked on treadmills that automatically
inclined, we rode on bikes that had little monitors attached to them that let us
ride virtual courses, we lifted weights, we giggled, we sweated, and then we
would relax in the hot tub and swimming pool. It was the absolute bomb.
Unfortunately we crunched the numbers and realized it just isn't in the budget,
but we have tasted the good life and we likie. I wonder if they have a
limit on those 1-week free trials....
Other than that, we have been doing okay, just taking it day by
day, issue by issue. I have started to sell eggs again...have a little
cooler at the top of the driveway with the cartons of fresh eggs from our happy
chickens. People pay via the honor system and it has worked out
surprisingly well. The chickens honestly can't keep up with
demand...people are knocking on the door to buy eggs! The sale of the eggs
is almost paying for the chicken feed, so that's the shiznit. The weather
for the past few weeks has been fuckin' awesome...days in the mid to high 70s
and nights in the low 50s. No rain...just clear blue skies and the
occasional puffy cloud. People who chose these past few weeks to take a
vacation have been very lucky indeed.
It has been about 2 weeks since I last thought about cooking up
and eating an amanita mushroom and belladonna quiche, so that's a sign of
progress I guess.
August 29, 2009 - Hi. My name is Kathy and I'll bet
you a chocolate donut with sprinkles that I'm more fucked up than you are.
I have never been pulled over by a cop, never had a parking
ticket, never hurt anyone or any thing, and basically have never done anything
illegal (okay, so I did steal Mike Taylor's gold hotwheels car in 3rd grade
but I couldn't resist--it was so shiny! And I did apologize to him after I
found him on the all mighty FaceBook 30 years later). Last week I
owned up to having an affair and nearly lost everything I love, including my
husband. Last week I found out who I really am and who I really have for
friends. All these years I thought I had no support system and was all by
myself. Boy was I wrong. Like totally wrong, wrong. Even my
best friend in the world, my husband, was not ready to let me self-destruct and
I am still at a loss for words. I just had to write down something because
I know my friends are looking for some sign of life on here. I am still
here, still pouring big ol' steaming cups of crazy for breakfast, lunch, and
dinner, and I will be back soon to tell the tale. Thank you all for just
being here for me. Holy shit, thank you.
August 10, 2009 - We have had about 4 days of sunshine
and it has been wonderful. HUGE thank you to my family for keeping me
grounded in what really matters. Luc told me a FANTASTIC quote just the
other day when I was feeling at the lowest of my lows: "Never argue
with stupid people--they will drag you down to their level, then beat you with
experience." I am so glad I'm surrounded by positive, sane, and
humorous friends and family. I would be so unbelievably lost without you
all. :-)
Theresa the turkey is growing back her beautiful little tail
feathers she molted out and the horses are actually starting to shed their
summer coats to make way for their winter coats...ALREADY. Major bummer
because I'm thinking they know something about this winter that I don't know.
Actually, I do have a feeling it's gonna be pretty bad but who knows. Life
is just full of surprises, isn't it. ;-)
August 6, 2009 - Met a wonderful lady this morning and
brought home 3 young RI red hens to add to my little flock. Later in the
afternoon I met another lovely young lady and brought home a "polish" rooster.
I saw one at the Bangor Fair earlier this week, laughed so hard I almost piddled
myself I said, "Kathy, before you die, you just HAVE to have one of these funky
chickens." Well, the chicken gods were smiling because 2 days later I
found "Bob." I just ADORE these silly birds. They
are beyond entertaining to watch, super easy to care for, and they give us
wonderful food (eggs) to eat and to give away to friends, family, and neighbors.
The guineas are THE BEST...if you need "watch dogs," I highly recommend picking
some of these birds up. They are loud, obnoxious, ugly as sin, but an
absolute hoot to have around.
- C'mon--she's totally got the goods! (guinea)
The 3 new little red hens, one named "Fred" by her former owner, the other two
I'm still working on names for.
July 28, 2009 - You've saved me. I can't
thank everyone who took the time to drop me an e-mail or sign the guest book to
let me know I wasn't all alone. There are times when just hearing some
reassuring words is like being thrown a life preserver in stormy seas.
This has been a very rough summer. I'm afraid we may have
lost our little Richie, the cat our hay farmer gave us last year. He never
came home yesterday and he was always around the house...either in the barn or
hanging out with Skittles in the yard. He's missing. My fear is that
he met the same fate 2 of the ducks did...folks think it's a fisher cat dining
on our pets. We found one of the ducks decapitated but otherwise
completely intact...the other just went missing without a trace. We now
have one duck who gets locked up in the chicken coop at night with everyone
else. She doesn't seem to mind it at all. She gets let out first
thing in the morning to swim in the pond and eat grass, and in a few hours she's
patiently waiting by the gate of the chicken pen, ready to be let back in to be
with the flock. So what's the option? Lock all our animals up 24/7
and watch them be miserable? Or do what we all do...just let them enjoy
every minute they have because we realize that in an instant, it could all be
game over? Playing it safe sucks--things may end up living a long time
(humans included) with always playing it safe, but what good is a life not
really lived to its fullest?
It seems whenever we take pictures of the animals, that's when
they leave us. I'm thinking of not taking anymore pictures because there's
obviously some bad juju going on around here.
Richie napping with Sherman 07/21/09
Richie napping with baby Lilly (Chuck's kitten) 07/24/09
July 24, 2009 - Despite the crappy-ass weather, we all
took a field trip to Rockland (Maine) to see the Coast Guard tall ship "Eagle".
It was a good time. Most importantly, it was 100% free. There
weren't very many people but it was foggy as hell and just as we were getting
ready to leave the ship, it POURED. It was really fun though. Our
roomie Chuck came along for the ride too!
Pretty cool looking little boat.
Steering wheels...yummy. The bastids had tied them down with rope so us
visitors couldn't dink with them though. Bummer man.
I have come to the conclusion that the Coast Guard has absolutely no sense of
humor.
Oh wait...I take that last statement back. Tee-hee...baggywrinkle.
Luc (left), Chuck (right), and a seaman who is either tripping on that
baggywrinkle or he's an android.
Luc actually had some fun for a change.
July 21, 2009 - Self-destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2...
I think I'm getting ready to call it quits. Marriage has
gone to hell because Luc gave up years ago, I can't afford this "lifestyle" I've
carved out for myself, and I'm at the point where I really just want to stop
breathing. Every day brings a new onslaught of worries. We had maybe
2 days of sun in the past week and more rain is in the forecast. The
farmers that were able to hay are selling it for the bargain price of $5/bale or
more. That is up 3.00 a bale from when we moved here. I've cut as
many corners as I can without putting the animals in danger and I'm out of
ideas. Summertime I can manage--there's pasture and they can live outside
almost 24/7. It's the winters that scare me. The winters are long
and hard. Our run-in shed has had the radish and I'm amazed it's still
standing. I really need a new one but have neither the money or the skill
to build a new one, and that is what has saved me a ton of money in
bedding...without that, horses will have to come back inside more often than
not, which leads to higher costs and I just can't do it. I'm scared about
what I'll do for work when medical transcription finally shits the bed.
The youngest truck is a 2000 and barely passes inspection anymore. My
credit has gone to shit (and whoever says medical bills don't ruin credit is
full of shit) and I couldn't even get a small bank loan to see the dentist.
I'm just tired of being tired and worried ALL THE TIME. It's relentless.
The roof on the barn needs replacing, floor in the house is beat, oil tank is
empty, firewood still needs to be bought, property taxes still due....oh it goes
on and on. If something breaks, I try my best but I'm pretty useless.
I'm scared of heights and know dick-diddly-doo about plumbing, wiring, or even
basic carpentry. What do I do now?
July 15, 2009 - An escape from reality, courtesy of my
friend, Jen Winchester from "Spirit of Hope Farm." She just happened to be
heading up to Acadia to put a rescue case through his paces on their beautiful
carriage trails and was looking for a buddy to tag along with. I actually
got to leave Newburgh, for the first time since moving here, and go for a pony
ride at one of the most beautiful places on planet earth. Because the
horse she brought was seized by the state, I cannot show pictures of him at this
time. But, I can show a shot or two I snagged of our day. I can't
thank Jen enough for letting Jill and I tag along and escape my troubles for a
few hours.
Jen parked her rig on our road for us to load up into. Is that a sweet-ass
ride or what?! She does it all by herself!!
This was a beach on the way to the trailhead. First nice warm sunny day in
EONS.
These are the carriage trails. The state park has a stable who provides
hayrides for hire...pretty cool!
One of several signs marking all the trails.
Jill and I posing in front of one of the several stone bridges that the
carriage trails pass under. Just gorgeous!
The view from the driver's seat!
This dear little deer shared the trail with us and didn't mind the horses, or us, at
all!
One of the kickass views from the trail, which really are nice safe and wide
shady roads just for horses, bicyclists, or walkers.
Jill relaxing tied to trailer waiting for me to remove her tack. She was
such a good girl and loved getting out! She loved her trail mate too!
July 12, 2009 - Momma turkey, Theresa, said goodbye to
her 4 babies today. They grew up big and strong and were already starting
to fly and escape the pen, so off they went to their proper owner's home.
Theresa's owner is letting me "free lease" her for as long as I want, in the
hopes that she will raise another clutch of beautiful chicks with Toby.
Toby was such a good dad too...almost every night he had one of his chicks
snuggled up under his wing while he perched. I don't know if it was the
same one every night, but you could just tell he loved having company on his
roost. Now, to only get those pictures off Chuck's cell phone so I can
show the world how cute of a father Toby is!
July 7, 2009 - Did I mention this has been the worst
fuckin' summer ever? July 4th, it rained. No. It POURED all
goddamn day and goddamn night. No parties, no friends over for fun,
nothing. Today it is 58 degrees out there and after 2 days of actual
dryness and a little bit of sunshine, we're back in the rut because it rained
all night and will be raining again later today. During those 2 days of
break in the weather though, EVERYONE was out eating it up. Neighbors went
for walks down the road, people rode their bikes, lawns were mowed, and trenches
dug to divert overflowing water....you know, stuff that usually happens in APRIL
for fuck's sake. I'm gonna go outside now and find some magic mushrooms
and get bent.
July 2, 2009 - Worst summer ever. Still no sun,
rainy, and cold. Hamcam won't be returning and I've had to take down the
link. Luc has tried to get it working and failed and he's downright pissy
about it, so I'm not going to pester him anymore. It really sucks because
I enjoyed that cam as much as everyone else, maybe even more so because I
enjoyed seeing how many people visited our website JUST for that cam. Our
equipment is getting old I guess and we just don't have the means to upgrade it
right now. Poop. Speaking of poop, I scraped the little chicken
"yard" of about 400 pounds of the nastiest smelling mud and in its place put
down some nice mulch so the poor birds won't have to slog around in muck.
They seemed really happy with it. Our roommate shot a picture with his
phone of Toby with one of his "babies" on his back while he was roosting last
night. Cutest damn thing you ever did see...now we just have to figure out
how to get that picture from his phone to me so I can post it. Imagine
that...cell phones able to take pictures. I, however, still won't own a
cell phone simply because I hate the fuckin' things and I'm a conspiracy
theorist who believes that the "man" can track anyone who owns one and I am
anti-RFID and I refuse to be cattle.
June 30, 2009 - Who the fuck should be popping "uppers"
in July? Me! This is the WORST summer ever. Nights in
the low 60s, days in the high 60s, rain for a month straight, and no sun since
the beginning of June. The chickens are up to their little ankles in mud,
the pasture is a wreck, there are mushrooms sprouting everywhere (run-in shed
has pretty much disintegrated now--have no idea how it's managing to stand), and
I am one uncharecteristally bitch bitch for THIS time of year. Wintertime
I can totally understand me being pissy, but JULY?! First it started with
the rain and no first cut hay yet nor any in the foreseeable future (an
incredibly scary thing). Add to that a property tax bill that just arrived
that has since gone up another 10% from last year. Our taxes here in
Newburgh have gone up 10% every year since we moved here in 2002. The
infrastructure is fucked, roads are crumbling, no police, volunteer fire
department, and the only "local" ambulance company went under. There are about 6
houses for sale in 3-mile radius, a few even abandoned and crumbling, and
property values have plummeted to the point where even if someone can afford to
move, no one is buying. My big question is, "Where are our tax dollars
going anyway?"
PS--Luc, if you're reading this, STOP FUCKING SMOKING THAT
FUCKING PIPE YOU DUMB FUCK. I've been listening to you cough up a lung for
well over 20 minutes now and the sound of phlegm being choked up is making me
want to barf. I love you and I don't want to be a widow at 40.
June 26, 2009 - Days like these make me really love my
little piece of planet earth. The neighbors just walked over to stop by to
visit the animals and say hi. The little kids love going in the chicken
coop (you adults too--you ain't foolin' nobody!) in search of fresh eggs and cool
feathers. Someone let me do that once when I was their age and it's why I
need to be surrounded by animals today. That shit stays with you for a
lifetime. We have another couple of young ladies who walk from waaay down
the road to come by and pat the horses...they walk right down the driveway and
straight to the animals, totally comfortable with the fact that we don't mind
them visiting. No liability waivers, no "you must be accompanied by your
parents" bullshit...just good clean country fun. Last week some other
neighbors we've only met one other time stopped in with half of their extended
family to come visit the animals...it feels just awesome that people really
appreciate our little patch of retro life. Man, I wish I had one of those
old-fashioned water pumps for people to cool off with...THAT would be icing on
the bumpkin' cake. As a side note, this is the first day in about 3 weeks
it hasn't rained. I want to hurl when I think of what the hay harvest is
going to be like this year, if it happens at all...
June 22, 2009 - Mom turkey, since named Theresa by
the visiting daycare kids, has hopped out of the brooder box with her babies.
She is now escorting them outside the coop on guarded field trips. They
ride on her back like little baby turtles...cutest damn thing I've ever seen,
but whenever I get close with the camera to obtain visual proof of this feat,
they bail. The little chickens look like tiny adults now but are still peeping.
The guineas are getting LOUD but are WICKED cute, testing their wings and seeing
how far they can fly. No more duck eggs that I can find...maybe they've
hit duckpause? No clue. Horses are getting eaten alive by all the
bugs that the rain has sprouted...they've even been choosing to stay in the barn
during the worst times of the day/night, which they never do. The little
fish pond has been overflowing with water from all the rain and the iris and
water lilies look FANTASTIC this year. Best blooms yet. Sure would
be nice to see the sun though...we're all gettin' a little moldy up here!
June 16, 2009 - Rant on: I get my jollies perusing
http://maine.craigslist.org/grd/
which is their farm/garden section. When I see "Tractor for Sale," why I
just gotta click on the ad because I'm a freak like that--I sure do love me
those tractors, new, old, busted, running--it doesn't matter. Love 'em.
When I click on a "Tractor for Sale" ad, I expect to see a TRACTOR, not a
fucking RIDING LAWN MOWER. There is a difference, a HUGE difference, which
I am constantly flummoxed to see that a lot of people just don't get. To
me it's like referring to a Subaru Brat or an El Camino as a pickup truck.
You just can't even compare the two. WTF people. It's perfectly okay
to own a riding mower, don't be embarrassed by that, but for fuck's sake, don't
be referring to it as a tractor because all you're doing is pissing me off...and
it's all about me here dammit! Rant off.
June 7, 2009 - Over the weekend the baby turkey's
hatched! My friend's momma turkey did a fantastic job of sitting on her
eggs and hatched out 9 out of 10 babies. Sadly, 5 of them died. Why,
I honestly don't know. They were strong enough to leave the nest, because
I found them scattered around the floor of the coop, all just died where they
wandered. They were almost all yellow, BIG, and looked otherwise healthy.
The temps were really cool outside, so I'm thinking that perhaps they got
chilled and just went to sleep and died before they could get back to the warmth
of their momma. Anyway, 4 little ones survived and they are adorable and
healthy! Their owner is letting them stay a while so I can watch them grow
up, then they will be leaving.
June 3, 2009 - HamCam is busted again. I don't know
if it can be revived or not. Seems the server is having major issues with
the software for it. I offered to run it from my machine in the office,
because it's on almost all the time, but Luc says it could crash it too and that
would be bad. We'll see. Donations of a new cam and software gladly
appreciated ;-) (When it comes to HamCam, why no, I'm not too fproud to beg.)
June 2, 2009 - Happy birthday Luc, ya bastid. Today
turned out to be a good day and it was because Luc repented for his sins and
helped me with the chicken coop and house doors. He cut the hole in the
side of the coop so now all chickens and Toby the turkey and his girlfriend are
safely confined to that one area...no more poops all over our deck or barn!
The daycare kids can visit without getting molested by Toby and I can find the
eggs in one spot to give away again! He also put new door handles on the
house doors. We had a little birthday party for Luc down in the basement
and it was fun--even Chuck stayed for a bit, despite being completely exhausted
from partying with us the night before. Three words--"Barefoot white
Zinfandel." You wanna feel good, get some of this shit. Goes down
easy and makes you numb (in a good way!) from head to toe. It's a cheap
wine that doesn't taste cheap at all...Google it, buy it, try it, be one with
it. We put off the big birthday meal for tomorrow though because it should
be savored (grilled rib eyes from McK's in Hampden--LOVE his meat!, shrimp,
asparagus, potato, strawberry shortcake), and I had to work and Chuck had to
leave...should be pretty fuckin' sweet.
June 1, 2009 - Blind rage. I get it, perhaps more
often than the normal person would. Call it hereditary, call it
circumstantial...call it fucked. Today I had another episode. It has
been culminating, festering if you will, for several weeks--okay, since the snow
melted. I love my home and property and I take a lot of pride in keeping
it halfway decent looking and welcoming. It takes a lot of work doing
it--between regular housework, farm work, workie work, it can be overwhelming if
I let stuff slide. Notice I keep using "I" here. Luc does shit
around the house and you betcha I'm pissed off about it. This is the
festering part. Now, one of the door handles into the walkway broke so,
Luc removed it completely--TWO FUCKING DAYS AGO (he can go out for pizza at 10
p.m. by himself but won't go out during the day to buy a new door handle?!!? WTF?!!),
and the door has been able to blow open, even with a chair propped up against
it, because the wind has been pretty crazy these past few days. So now
twice Sherman has snuck out and every time he sneaks out, he attacks my
chickens. Today he got one. Thankfully she's not injured but he
ripped out a lot of her feathers. Here's where the blind rage comes in.
I saw pure white. I actually had to stop myself from snapping the dog's
neck. I had to stop myself from coming inside and fucking up Luc because
in my mind, this never would happen (me losing it) if he would just pull a
little weight around here. Is it me? Am I not worthy or a little
help around here? Anyway, I managed to calm down after a few minutes of
hyperventilating and I think I may have popped a brain vessel. Sherman is
fine, Luc is fine (albeit sleeping this gorgeous day away), and the hen is fine.
I, however, think I need to be committed before I hurt someone or something and
I wanted to document it just in case. Luc has officially driven me to
insanity.
After my flipping out, I went and worked on the chicken house.
I put up some extra-high fencing, fixed the outside gate, and tried to put up
some fine bird mesh on the top so stuff couldn't fly in or out. That stuff
sucks ass and I will never buy it again. If the birds fly out, then they
really want to be free and I'm not going to stop them. The fence is about
9 feet high though, so good luck to them. I have to do something though
because the new chicks are getting too big for the brooder and will need to
leave that soon. I don't want the free-ranging chickens to go far now
because our neighbors are trying to start a garden and I don't want my birds
destroying that. They are the best neighbors I could ask for and don't
want to push my luck. Now I just have to get the balls to find and use a
saw on that shed to cut a hole in the wall for the chickens to come in and out,
and then fence in part of the shed so they can't just stroll out the big doors
making the whole thing moot. Wish me luck.
May 31, 2009 - Gorgeous morning. I was walking
around the front and got kind of pissy with the clumps of grass/weeds the horses
"mowed" around, so I pulled out my weed whacker and push mower and went to town.
A good 2-1/2 hours and a gallon of water later, I finished the job. That
is some hard work! Thank goodness for my little Ipod shuffle thing that
kept me mentally motivated to groove to the tunes while I did my work. I
tidied up my grape vines, weeded along the fence line, and prettied up around
the fish pond a bit. Then I cleaned the barn, swept the front porch, and
diddled around inspecting my work. Then I came in and showered (the shower
water was actually GREEN from all the grass juice the weed whacker threw up on
my skin and hair!), and when I came out I had 2 visitors--Peggy and Susan--who I
met through a local horse chat board! What a great surprise! They
stayed for a few hours and we just shot the shit and they got to watch Toby the
turkey screw his decoy hen turkey, so that was entertainin'. Then we
watched some "Trailer Park Boys" and they left. Another neighbor, Eden,
and her adorable kiddo Clara, stopped by to give the animals some treats they
brought and I sent them home with some fresh eggs, which makes me feel like a
zillion bucks when I can do that for people. The sky turned black, temps
dropped, and it poured out. They actually had a tornado warning on the
news for our area and we did lose power for a little bit. Chuck came home
from work and we all watched more Trailer Park Boys, had pizza later, and played
pool and that finished out my day. Today was a good day--exhausting but
good.
May 29, 2009 - Depression is fun! Not really, but
it does kinda force us to look at shit a lot deeper than we normally would.
This, however, can be a total downer man. Know what really sucks?
Our work tends to define who we are. Take that away, something we have
been doing since teenage years, and what's left to talk about if that goes bye
bye? The weather? Please. Ya know when you meet someone new,
or catch up with old friends, and they say, "So, what do you do for a living?"
Know how it feels to not have an answer, or have to think up some bullshit witty
response so as to not let people onto the fact you're either scared shitless or
on the edge of suicide? I know a lot of people going through this
exact scenario right now--shitty economy, shitty health, looming retirement--and
it is a huge weenie shrinker. So, if you meet someone new or are catching
up with an old friend--try not to talk shop right now. Tell them they look
great and you have missed them, or ask them about their fly ride (even if it's a
piece of crap like mine), or ask if they've smoked any really good weed
lately. Anything goes except the job thing. Trust me on this one.
May 24, 2009 - I hold grudges. I never truly
realized this until just now. Someone a few years ago talked smack about
someone I love, to my face, and I no longer hang out with that person.
Recently I went out of my way to help someone who neither thanked me nor let me
know they never went forth with what I was helping them do (only found out by
someone else's slip of the tongue--especially awesome), and now I will also put
them on my ignore list. Another person borrowed something very expensive
and in mint condition, was in no rush to return it and even questioned why it
was wanted back, and when finally given back it was returned as a piece of
junk--and again, another makes my personal shit list. What the fuck--is it
me? Am I asking for too much? Manners and courtesy really are dead
and I really am at a loss for words on the subject.
May 9, 2009 - The new batch of chickens has arrived!
Oodles of different breeds this year, hopefully all girls again so that we can
have more eggs to give away and maybe some extra to sell. The duck eggs
never did hatch out. They all exploded, one by one, into a putrid godawful
stink. I actually had to hose down the entire inside of the barn to get
rid of the smell. Toby the turkey mated with our friend's hen turkey and
she has started laying on a clutch of eggs. I'm actually not feeling too
badly these days and haven't had the urge to string myself up to the rafters of
the hay loft in a few weeks now, so that's progress I guess.
April 29, 2009 - We have met the MOST AWESOME fella and
his name is "Chuck." Chuck is our roommate and the dude freakin' rocks.
He and Luc play cards, this game called "Rummy" (or maybe it's rummie?) almost
every night. We recently discovered he loves to play pool and he even went
so far as to unearth our pool table in the basement from underneath PILES of
shit, so that we could play! So, now I have a pool-playin' buddy in the
house too, which for me is just the shiznit because it's one of the few games I
enjoy. So now, basically Luc and I fight over who gets to play with Chuck.
Wait, that didn't come out right. Anyway, he loves the animals, especially
the horses, and even enjoys shoveling shit! Who knew this gem of a person
was practically in our back yard this whole time. Is it wrong to plot
to sabotage his life so he has to stay here forever?! Why yes, I am
psychotic....keeps shit interesting. Run away while you still can Chuck!
April 14, 2009 - Easter came and went (no candy
whatsoever) and the snow is all melted. Days are cool and windy, nights
are cold and breezy, and it's been a kickass thaw this year. Mud has been
VERY minimal thanks to all that snow actually insulating the ground, so when the
rains and melt came, the ground was thawed and water actually went DOWN the
earth and not over it, and with the winds, oh ya, mud doesn't stand a chance.
The duck is still sitting on eggs and nothing had "sprouted" yet. Horses
are shedding like mad and I've actually been getting out walking 2 miles a day
and riding Jill down the road again with one of the stupidest ear-to-ear grins a
person could have. I had to start walking because I was on the verge of
losing it mentally. I started taking that damn Lexapro and, contrary to
popular belief I HATE popping pills so ya know it's gotta be really bad for me
to start that crap again.
March 30, 2009 - Lately, after finding my free time
nearly consumed with this virtual entertainment medium called "Face Book,"
I don't think I like Face Book anymore. It's not because of their stupid new
format. It's because it makes me feel like shit about myself, and I mean,
really, I feel like shit about myself almost all the time anyway because that's
just the way I am. Face Book is a real kick in the nuts as to how it seems
to magnify my failures in life. I mean, every day I read about how
everyone has these perfect little families, and perfect little lives, look at
pictures of my school buds and they are all beautiful with nice hair, skin, and
worry-free faces, and they either don't have to work or they have these fat-ass
salaries because they made smart choices and were presented with kickass
opportunities as kids.
Here I am, living at the poverty level and pretty much choose to
do so because I enjoy animals WAY too much. I could ditch it all for a
nice city job and a house or condo with floors that aren't disintegrating under
my feet, and get things like manicures and facials and almost feel like a girl
again, but noooo. For some fucked up reason I choose to fight an uphill
battle every day and I really don't know why. It's almost like I
subliminally enjoy the mental browbeating I give myself on a day-to-day basis.
I sometimes think it would be nice to have someone take care of me for a change
but I don't know, even if presented with the opportunity, if I'd go that route.
I envy women who don't have to worry about the "what ifs" in life, but then if I
didn't have that constant worry, what would become of me? It almost seems as
though it's the worrying itself that keeps me going. I just read about a
woman here in Maine, a former mayor of a city, who was actually homeless this
winter and lived out of her car because she lived paycheck to paycheck and lost
her job. That could easily be me. I do know that if I get cancer,
I'm dead. If I break my hand or even a finger, I'm fucked. I
could buy insurance but that would mean ditching the animals. How
irresponsible of me, putting animals before finances and health first. I
just figure, in my warped little brain, people do it for human kids all the
time--put them first, but when you forgo the human procreation thing in favor of
animal husbandry, it's really frowned on. I frequent a local
"conservative" political bulletin board and people there talk about investing in
gold over some other medium...all the while I'm thinking, "Who are you people?"
I hate being jealous like that because so many people tell me they'd love to
have what I have. Never happy, I am. On that note, I really need to
visit the store and get me a box of hair dye because I have waaay too many white
hairs for a 38 year old chick. Did I mention I haven't left the house in
about 2 weeks now and mud season is officially here? Oh ya....fuckin
paradise.
On a farm-y note, Lafawnda, the duck with the funny wing, has
been sitting on the communal nest for 4 days straight now, morning and night,
and even attacks and hisses at me when I go near it...so that means she is
trying to actually hatch out some babies. That would be so cool.
Toby the turkey is molting and is almost naked and looks pretty gross and I
don't wanna be seen with him...he's kinda embarrassing.
March 9, 2009 - Poop. The BEST roommate in the
world, our roommate Shirley, has left us and boy are we feeling lonely! We
haven't decided if we wanna do the roommate thing again because, damn, she was
perfect and I dunno if we can ever find perfect again. There aren't many
people out there that can put up with our shit...literally. Between the
dogs, the birds (free-rangin' chickens and Toby), and the odd hours we keep,
it's definitely not for just anyone. Hell, I don't know how WE even put up
with ourselves. The weather hasn't been too awful bad. I've been
able to leave the horses out 24/7 for almost an entire week now, which they
absolutely love. They only like to come in to eat and then kick the doors
to get back outside. Even Ellie has been sleeping outside in the run-in
shed lately...she's still pissed that I cleaned her room and threw out all her
nasty shredded blankets. We picked up Toby a hen the other day...a foam
hen, you know, a hunting decoy. He LOVES her and has already "flattened"
her several times now mating with her. Poor bastid. He really needs
a real hen....
February 27, 2009 - I found 2 beautiful perfect duck eggs
today! They were hidden behind a round bale in the barn but quite cold, so
no one is trying to hatch them. That would be cool. Anyway, I'm excited
because the ducks stopped laying in November and now the 2 girls have started
back up again! So, this means yes the days are getting longer and yes
spring will is coming. As I write this, it is 47 degrees outside with a
brisk wind so the snow is melting at a rapid clip and I can see the blacktop of
the driveway again! I went and shoveled more snow off the house roof and
tent garage because word on the street is we might get rain, and rain on top of
already heavy snow on rooftops is bad juju. I also managed to clean out
3/4 of Ellie's room today...between the warm spell and it being trash day, I was
motivated to sift through the layers of hay and manure to get at the shredded
blankets...there must have been about 10 shredded blankets in there. I
know I filled about 10 empty grain bags with the nasty stuff for the dump.
She stayed in Jill's stall while I did the deed. When I was done I put in
a bunch of fresh clean hay over the last layer of "compost" in her room and
called it good. I just don't have the energy to take it all out today and
I couldn't make her sleep on that nasty wet stuff. She went back in her
room, rooted around a bit, and left to go outside and bask in the sun. I
snagged my pant leg on something by the tent garage and tore a huge hole in my
jeans, which is a huge bummer because I'm down to only 2 pair now. BUT, on
a bright note, I have transformed said torn jeans into kickass cuttoff shorts
because, well, because I'm a cheap bastid.
February 23, 2009 - If I had a white surrender flag, I'd
be wavin' it right now. If you see this...GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
As of 6:00 a.m. we have over 12 inches of snow that is as wet and heavy as
concrete. Poor Luc started plowing at midnight and got stuck and called me
at 2:00 a.m. to help dig out. We just got in a half hour ago...so 4 hours
of digging the plow truck. I will be absolutely amazed if our green tent
garage is still standing after this. I tried to take snow off the roof
with the roof rake, but the snow is as high as my boobs at the sides of the
garage and I couldn't get up high enough to try and remove the snow. The
animals are all tucked in the barn and we've had the radish, physically and
mentally. Tubs are full of water, all spare buckets are filled up, empty
milk jugs...anything we can store water in. The winds are picking up and
the trees are heavy with snow, so it's only a matter of time before we lose
power. So, we're just gonna hole up here until, oh, July. If anyone
wants a cute little hobby farm, make an offer!
That post was at about 6:30 this morning. After taking a
hot shower and falling sleep, waking up at noonish, I wandered outside in my ski
pants to take photos and get the horses out. This new post is at almost
3:00 p.m. and I just had a good cry...like sit on the toilet and balled my eyes
for 10 minutes cry. I have come to the realization that I cannot do this
alone. Luc's foot is broken, he has a bum heart, and try as he might, I
just can't expect him to carry on like this...it will kill him. Most
people have family close by to help out...we don't have that. We can't
even help our poor neighbor keep her 1/4-mile long driveway cleared like we
promised. Know what it feels like to fail like that? Feels like
shit...absolute shit. She's all alone too. This environment is for
the young and the strong. Having good quality equipment helps, but with
our tractor down at my brother's in Skowhegan until the summer, and the brand
new snowblower out of commission, we are screwed. So, now that I've
had my cry, I'm gonna pop some more Advil, put on my big girl pants, and go
shovel out the friggin' plow truck, again, and see if I can't move some
of this shit myself without destroying anything. I figure it can't get any
worse at this point.
Part 3, final entry for today. Well, I did it. I
plugged in my little Ipod shuffle and stuck in my earbuds, grabbed my manure
fork, dug out the plow truck and plowed the driveway! I was so proud of
myself! It wasn't pretty being my first time mind you, but I did it!
Luc woke up and came out and finished up the lower driveway and gave me some
pointers. We are out of room for any more snow. The banks are well
over 8 feet high. I feel better though knowing that when push comes to
shove, I can do it. I just need to mentally bitchslap myself once in a
while is all.
February 14, 2009 - Clare and Coco have moved back home
with their mother and are very happy to be in their new shed in their old
familiar territory! The ducks moved into the barn until enough snow melts
that I can get them back to their area, as it has proven just too deep and icy
for me to properly maintain....I'll have to work on that for next winter!
That's the "fun" thing about farm life...every season brings new challenges and
new problems to be solved. Jill and Maggie, the two horses, have gone all
soft and jiggly over the winter, along with Luc and I. Seems par for the
course 'round these parts I'm afraid. Winter is starting to weigh really
heavy on us all...chores seem to become harder and take longer, bones and joints
get sorer and stiffer, and the will to live gets sucked out of us little by
little. Fluffy the truck is dead in the water because one of her brake
pads just fell off in the driveway, another casualty of Maine's winter roads.
This is where I say, "Fuck this shit. I'm moving." ...and I never
do. Housing market has been dead here for years now and no one would ever
buy this dump because there are no jobs 'round here and, besides, the taxes suck
ass. Yes, I am having a dark day so shut up. I'm allowed to have at
least a few.
January 27, 2009 - The only thought I've had for the past
week has been "Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckedy fuck fuck fuck." ...and
here's why:
That ain't my foot their either. Although my leg hair equally rivals that
of this fine specimen, my toenails are much prettier. No, this is Luc's
foot. As you can tell by the fancy wrapping job, it's in a cast.
Which means it's busted. He busted it last week when he went outside to do
something and wound up slipping on the snow and ice in the driveway and his ass
went down on his foot. If I saw it happen, I woulda laughed. But all
that was heard was some pathetic whining coming from the general direction of
his last known position. I thought it was just a sprain and he was being
an especially whiny-assed bitch about it...then he went to the doctors...and
then I had to apologize to him, which totally sucked.
January 1, 2009 - Happy friggin New Year. Temps
took a nosedive last night and the wind is absolutely howling. It's 55
degrees in the house because the fire died overnight and I'm already pissy.
Last night, while working, I heard this HUGE crash on the house. I didn't
know if it was Luc's ham antenna or the boat, or the little white tent garage.
Luc even heard the crash and he was downstairs in the basement. So, out we
go with flashlights in hand and camera, and it's gotta be like 20 below out
there, and this is what we found:
That's our little white tent garage that has faithfully served
us since 2004 through all kind of weather. It sheltered our vehicles, the
ATV, tractor, hay, shavings...just about everything that needed a home out of
the weather....and now it's gone. It's a pile of metal out there this
morning, as we had to completely cut away the tarp with a knife so it wouldn't
turn into a kite and hurt the house or a person. Major bummer man.
This is how we rang in 2009. Fuckin-A. Oh, the goat cam will be
down indefinitely as our friend will be moving into my office and I have to
relocate EVERYTHING, including the goat cam. HamCam should be okay, as
that is mounted outside the house, but that may go down for a bit as well.
December 26, 2008 - I can finally turn off those stupid
holiday lights now meant to celebrate who knows what. The invention of the
light bulb? When you don't do the "Jesus" thing, it makes you realize how
incredibly lame and superficial that holiday really is. I much prefer
Thanksgiving...no pressure, no money issues, just good food, good friends and
family, and really, that's all that matters. On that note, Luc and I
reluctantly opened the packages sent by Chrissy and Michelle, which was an
incredibly kind thing to do, and always appreciated, but totally not necessary--ya
got that guys? Ellie scored big time with a huge box of Little Debbie
Oatmeal Pies...her favorite. Richie LOVES his little catnip socks and the
dogs love lil' Richie's other toys more than the ones meant just for them.
Figures. Luc almost cried when he opened his gift of Winchester knives.
He got nuthin' this year, except his daily dose of shit from me...poor guy, so
that gift meant the world to him. The barnyard animals went gaga over
their treats, especially the Mrs. Pastures' Cookies! Luc and I had a great
time visiting with our friends, Erlene, Holli, and Keri, and really enjoyed the
ham dinner. (Note to self, Holli does not like 'shrooms.) We brought
Richie over to Mary-Ann's house so he could see her Christmas tree and he loved
it! Ran right up inside it, batted out as many ornaments as he could, and
she had a ball watching him be who he is...an asshole. I'll have to bring
him over again while the tree is still up so I can take some pictures of the
mayhem. She fed us homemade holiday breads (lemon poppyseed is my
favorite!) and all the coffee we could stand. She has a collection of over
13 nativity sets! She really gets into the holiday spirit. I've been
hit with another really bad bout of bursitis in my shoulder...what brings it on,
I have no idea. Shoveling maybe. I've ingested near toxic amounts of
Tylenol to ease the pain and nothing is helping. Time to chop it off I
guess. I'm not digging all these rheumatisms I get these days. Time
to seriously contemplate moving southward I think. Still not much workie
work coming through the pipe...may have to get another job too. Fuck.
Just fuck.
December 24, 2008 - Luc did the impossible...he FIXED my
machine and beat that virus that others on the 'net said was unbeatable!
If you ever get zapped with anything, Luc is your man. I want him to log
about it somewhere but he's too modest, so I'll have to toot his horn for him.
Nothing was lost, nothing had to be reinstalled...it's all here and good as new.
Now the crisis of the day is trying to find work...apparently there is none and
hasn't been for a few days. That's a really bad thing and I'd be a lyin'
sack of shit if I said I wasn't scared. I am. And on that thought
I'm gonna go pop a Lexapro, have some coffee, and think about going outside for
a few hours to get chores done and firewood brought in and do some general burly
girly work to make myself feel like I'm worth something, because right now my
self-worth level is right about up there with a pile of worm turds.
December 22, 2008 - My computer got hit with a really
really really bad virus Saturday and it's totally out of commission. I'm
writing this using Luc's computer and feel so lost without my machine. All
my work, all my EVERYTHING is in there and Luc doesn't know if he can get
anything back...may have to reformat my whole machine and start from scratch.
If you're a transcriptionist, you know how devastating this is. The virus
is called SHeur2.gas csrssc.exe...we have no idea how I contracted it or why the
antivirus didn't pick it up.
So, aside from THAT particular shitstorm, we've had a bonafide
one weather wise. I haven't gone out to measure yet, but from the looks of
the snow piled up outside the kitchen glass door, it's well over a foot,
possibly 15 inches or so. It's windy as hell and butt cold out there.
My chore today will be digging out ducks and goats and shitting several loads of
bricks about my computer and how it's going to affect my livelihood.
December 17, 2008 - I actually had to look at the
calendar just now to see what the date was. The other day the temp got up
to 50 and melted all the damn ice and today it's snowing like gangbusters and is
18 degrees out! This has got to be the weirdest winter yet. I'm not
fuckin' up though like I did with the ice storm; the tub is filled with water
and dishes and laundry are done. Of course these simple acts will insure
we don't lose power, but just in case...
December 15, 2008 - It's a retarded 50 degrees out
there and all the ice is melting. Despite the sudden warmsies, I haven't
seen the sun for days now though and "the funk" came back briefly. I said
fuck it and pulled out my bottle of "medicine" (Jagermeister)
from the freezer, sat down in front of the TV with it and some peanuts in the
shells, and watched 3 movies back to back. One of them was called "Running
with Scissors." This had to be the weirdest damn thing I have seen in
years. If you like DARK humor, you absolutely have to check it out.
One quote in particular that made me almost shit myself laughing: "Literally,
the shit is pointing out of the pot! Towards Heaven, to God. My turd is a direct
communication from the Holy Father." C'mon now, THAT is funny!
The other movies were "Happy Gilmore" which was an instantly cheesy good time,
and some absolute piece of shit called "Deck the Halls," which, had I not been
buzzed and suffering from lead-ass, I woulda walked away and done something
constructive, like surfed gay porn.
December 14, 2008 - Put the horses out for the first time
in 2 days...the ice is so thick not even the ATV tires can push through it.
Thankfully the horses were out in the pasture while it was still slush, and not
frozen, and their frozen footprints provided enough traction out there,
otherwise I don't know what the hell I woulda done. Dustyn came over and
helped me clean out 2 days' worth of poops out of the barn and was a HUGE help.
As a thank you, we came inside to warm up and made some fresh cotton candy with
my dinky little "toy"
cotton candy machine! If you like this stuff, I highly recommend
picking one up...I've made myself cotton candy every day since getting it,
because I'm a sugar freak, and it is so worth the $40! We experimented
with the sugar that came with the machine (pink) and with regular granulated
sugar like we use in our coffee, and the cheap-o white stuff actually comes out
better and tastes just about the same! Yummy yum yum! Here's Dustyn
hard at work making his very own cotton candy:
December 12, 2008 - Well, it happened...we got our first
ice storm. We pulled through with very minimal damage, if any. Lost
power for a while. I forgot to fill the bathtub so no water, so that was a
bummer. Chipped through the ice in the fish pond to get to water in
emergency. That's about it. Took a nap, woke up, and "poof" power
was back like magic just in time to work tonight. I joined Face Book and
caught up with some old friends, which is pretty darned cool if you ask me.
Fuck Classmates.com and their ripoff membership fees. I hope this free FaceBook
puts them outta business...whores. Here's the same cam this morning...you
can see everything covered in ice, including the birch tree in the background
arcing over with the weight of the ice. 'Twas indeed beautiful if nuthin'
else.
December 10, 2008 - This is just crazy...the weather has
done a complete 360! It is now 56 degrees outside, snow is all melted,
it's raining a bit, and windy as hell. The animals are all rejoicing, as
are we, at this tropical storm that decided to visit Maine for at least a few
hours. Word on the street is we're gonna get an ice storm after this
though...that would majorly suck like you have no idea. Tending to animals
when there's ice on the ground, and possibly no power/water, is a pisser of a
thought. Right now though, I'm gonna seize the moment and get as much
stuff done as I can outside while the gettin' is good! Here's the same
cam, ice free, showing the ducks outside enjoying the warm rainy weather.
They are still, however, partying around their heated water dish, which they
absolutely adore.
December 8, 2008 - Fuckin' brrrr! It's sunny, not a
cloud in the sky, windy as all hell, and 6 degrees with a windchill that makes
it -12 degrees! There's just enough snow on the ground, and it's frozen
enough to make that godawful Styrofoam sounding "squeak squeak squeak" when I
walk on it that makes my teeth ache. Animals are all choosing to stay
inside EXCEPT for the damn ducks! They are hardcore! Just like
everyone else, they have the option of staying in or out and 9 times out of 10
(the one time being when I actually force them to be locked up) they are
outside...and today they are indeed out there, heads tucked under their wings
looking like large white marshmallows on the ground. Apparently, since
they are basically wearing a toasty-warm down comforter and have no exposed skin
other than their feet (which are tucked underneath them all sealed in when they
lie down), they can weather just about anything. They are just bizarre.
It is so cold, the goatcam has a thick layer of ice in front of it!
Definitely a day to be wearing the fur undies!
December 2, 2008 - It was a wonderfully mild day out
there so I got off my ass and put up a lame-ass display of LED x-mas lights on
the big barn wreath, our sign, one of the lilac bushes, and the little shrub
next to the front porch. I put balsam greens from the woods in the window
boxes, stuck some electric candles in the windows, and called it good for this
year. Goat shed won't get decorated for squat this year because the little
bastids tried to eat the decorations. No tree because, well, really, it's
just Luc and I and we don't really do that crap. Luc's plow truck is ready to
roll but I miss my ATV plow. I was comfortable using that thing and it was
FUN. Now I gots nuthin' but a shovel...not fun. Ellie has been
escaping every day for the past week to go over to our neighbors (who have the
patience of saints, I swear) and eat apples that fell on the ground. So,
she has now been confined to her little area right behind her house with
electric fence, that she has confirmed with her own snout that it is indeed
charged, and won't be on the Hamcam for quite a while. Bad bad piggy.
Got the bill for Special's euthanasia today, two days after the vet's office
sent a sympathy card, which I thought was sweet. Luc said it was to butter
me up for the impending bill, which was (cough, cough, vomit) $290.00!!
What--the--fuck is all I'm gonna say to that.
November 24, 2008 - This entry is going to describe Special's
euthanasia, from beginning to end, for anyone who may have to go through it and
wants an idea of what it's like. Special was laid to rest last
Thursday, 11/20/2008. Our wonderful neighbor, Ken Swett, who owns the red deer
farm down the road, drove up with his tractor and back hoe and dug her grave.
The crappy thing about our land here is that it's full of rocks and ledge.
He tried digging in the back pasture, where I really wanted her to go, and he
just couldn't dig down more than a foot or so before hitting ledge. Just
fuck. So, he dug in our old manure pile up front and was able to go down
quite far. It's not the ideal spot for her, but we had no alternative.
The temperatures dipped down into the teens out of nowhere and the ground was
already freezing. The next day, the morning of Special's euthanasia, I
found her grave was filled to the top with water...it had seeped up from the
ground. That was more depressing than the thought of poor Special's death.
It was windy and about 15 degrees outside when the vet came and
we took Special out from the herd. Because of her thick winter/Cushing's
coat, he had to shave her neck at the injection site. Rather than remove
her from the sight of her barn mates and cause stress, I brought out an
extension cord right to the pasture gate so Jill and Maggie could be right there
with her. I made sure to have a pocket full of treats, which she gladly
snacked on the whole time she was shaved and subsequently given a sedative to
help her relax. I then removed her huge "puffy blanket" and the vet then
had me walk her over to the hole, and she walked very slow like she was drunk
(because of the sedative he had just given, which took effect almost
immediately). Her comfort was key the whole time. Jill and Maggie
followed her over to her grave, which was just on the other side of the fence.
She was so relaxed that I had to hold her heavy head up so the vet could get the
large-bore needle in her jugular that would deliver the overdose of barbiturate
anesthetic. He quickly pumped in 2 huge vials of this clear
fluorescent-pink stuff and before the second vial was emptied, she was already
going down. The vet then took over where I was standing and gently
supported her head up by her halter and lead rope and guided her down as she
gently crumpled to the ground. There was no big thud, no crashing, no
flailing of hooves. She took some deep breaths at first but then they went
shallow and were spaced wide apart, her eyes were open but were already glazing
over. Her body was completely still, lying on one side, and her head was
down on the ground, mouth open, tongue hanging out, and she looked quite dead.
However, she still had a very slow and faint heartbeat. The vet went and
got more "juice" just in case, as he told me sometimes old horses have such a
weak blood pressure that the overdose doesn't get to it's target in a timely
fashion. I sat with her and petted her head, even though there was no
response, while he went back to his truck. Before he came back, she took a
large "agonal breath" and then was gone. The vet checked for a heartbeat
and found none. It was done. I removed her halter and lead rope,
trimmed a hunk of tail hair for a memento, and called our neighbor back to bury
her. Jill and Maggie stood by the fence and just watched her body for a
while, then walked away and went back to eating hay. They didn't run
around and they didn't whinny. After I went back inside and warmed up for
a bit, I went out to check on them, fed them some treats, and they seemed
completely fine with it all.
Our neighbor with the tractor managed to bury her, even with all
that water in her grave, without any problems. Displacement is a hell of a
thing apparently. I glanced out the window now and again to see how it was
going, but that was about it. For some reason, I was okay with watching
and participating in her death but didn't want to watch the actual burial.
I am okay with this. I feel I did right by Special and
hope to do right by all the animals here. Jill is now in Special's stall, eating
out of her dish, and looking out the window Special once did, and has even kept
Special's flame alive by routinely making "ugly faces" at Maggie across the
aisle. ;-)
November 19, 2008 - Well, it's set. I called the
vet the other day to bump up Special's euthanasia date to tomorrow. She is
going downhill so incredibly fast and I don't want her to suffer. I think
she's a really stoic old bird and isn't letting on how much pain she is in.
She now has green goo coming out of both nostrils, hasn't eaten hardly any of
her food, and is now even stumbling, which just started this morning. Now
I'm starting to kick myself for not putting her down sooner, but a few weeks ago
I wasn't sure I was making the right decision--now I KNOW I am. I'm trying
to keep her as comfortable as I can. She's getting lots of bute and plenty
of "mush" in her food bucket if she wants it, and she has been wearing her
really heavy "puffy" blanket to stay nice and warm. Mr. Swett, the deer
farmer down the road, came up to dig a grave for her. It's not where I
wanted her buried, but he just couldn't dig down more than a foot or two before
hitting ledge. Man this land is so shitty it's not even funny. This
is her last night with us and I just may bundle up and go sleep out there in the
barn for a bit and listen to everyone eat, sleep, and fart.
November 11, 2008 - Happy 10th anniversary to Luc and I!
We shared our morning cup of coffee outside watching the animals. Cold but
beautiful out there. Luc's new best friend, "Sarah," is one of the black
hens. She comes out every single morning to visit with him and only him.
She's HIS little hen and it's a riot! Toby is also out front every morning
to put on a show for whoever might be looking his way. The pasture is
totally waterlogged and as much as I really should be keeping everyone confined
to the "sacrifice paddock," which is basically all mud right now, I don't have
the heart to do it, because I know Special will be leaving soon and the least I
can do for her is allow her and her friends (Maggie, Jill, and Ellie) time to be
horses and graze out there on what's left of the grass. If horses can
smile, that's what they are doing as I write this.
November 10, 2008 - I feel like shit and have been for a
week or so. Not because I'm sick, but because I have made the decision to
put little old Special down. This really sucks but I feel she deserves to
go out feeling as best as she can before things get worse--and winters are
really long here. She has gone back to losing weight, no matter how many
calories I pound into her. She eats all her super-high-fat food and just
isn't gaining weight. Her eyes have been running and now her one nostril
has had this foul-smelling green discharge for over a week now. She can no
longer efficiently eat hay and is starting to "quid" it (which means balling it
up in her mouth due to inability to chew it, and then spitting out the balled-up
hay). Her hooves are crumbling away and she's getting that dull look in
her eyes. It's so sad watching her body fall apart like this. She
would have been 31 in January and she has had a great life. Although I
don't know her entire history, I am sure she has never known hunger, pain,
neglect, or anything but love and affection. She has been an absolute
blast to have around and we will miss her antics and her "giggles" very much.
It really sucks that we have to be the ones to see her though until her end, but
this is what happens when people keep senior animals when others won't. I
guess someone has to do it, right? Might as well be me. I'm not
afraid of her death, I'm just selfish in that I want her to live forever.
Just poop. If anyone is reading this and wants to visit her before she
embarks on the next leg of her journey, her date of euthanasia is set for
Monday, November 24th in the afternoon.
October 26, 2008 - Since my last post, we have had
absolutely GORGEOUS fall weather. Today though, man, the song that's been
playing in my head has been "Rock you like a Hurricaine!" Crazy wind, tons
and tons of rain, and whoopsie, the run-in shed has blown over! I'm amazed
we have power still. Any remaining leaves on the trees are now stuck to
the ground. Went to get hay yesterday from Richie Bartlett and came home
with 2 gorgeous round bales and a wittle itteh bitteh kitteh! How the hell
did that happen?! His little son went and grabbed one of their many barn
kitties, put one in my arms, and that was it. Seems like he has this
unwritten policy of "buy 2 round bales, get a free kitty." Richie told us
to name him anything but Richie, so guess what? Kitties name is now
"Richie." Sucks to be you dude! :-D
October 22, 2008 - Brrrr....it's a cold, wet, windy, raw
fall day out there. Past peak now, all the trees are brown and a lot are
bare. The horses have been fenced off and in their "dry paddock" until we
get snow because the young pasture is just too fragile right now for them to be
out on, so they're pretty bummed out about that. Ellie shredded her
blanket and is getting ornery too with the cooler weather. Almost all the
chickens are laying eggs now, whereas the ducks have stopped entirely. The
goats are growing nice thick winter coats, so are the horses, and even Ellie's
winter coat is in. We had to start the wood stove because it was 58 in the
house this morning! The goats have a new window in their house now.
It's slow going getting that prepared for the birds and boarded up with T111.
Luc is doing the best he can, a little at a time. I'm useless with such
things. I should have taken carpentry 101 or something...sure would be
cool if I could build things myself like our friend Erlene can. She's an
absolute WHIZ at that sort of stuff. So, for now Toby is sharing the barn
with the horses and he seems to enjoy the company--and they don't seem to mind
him one bit!
October 18, 2008: He's here! Who is he?
His name is "Toby" and he is a Narragansett turkey and boy is he HANDSOME and so
incredibly sweet! Huge thank you to Shirley for bringing us together!
Since he got here this morning, I've been out no less than 5 times to pick him
up and cuddle him. For now he has to stay locked up in the barn because he
can fly, straight up even, and the pen outside isn't fly proof. Hopefully
I'll get a chance tomorrow to take some pictures so people can see what he looks
like. Hopefully Luc and I can make that happen Sunday. Coco and
Clare went back up to their mom's house for the afternoon and boy were they
excited! They gorged themselves on leaves, apples, and all sorts of
goodies...and then they came back here for the night. I think tomorrow we
will repeat the same thing so they can get a change of scenery and go have some
fun with their mom!
October 10, 2008: I'm finally just about over
whatever the hell illness that was. Luc got it too but only had it for
about 2 days. He just HAD to show me up though last weekend...thought he
was having another heart attack and wanted to sleep over at the hospital instead
of our house. No heart attack...angina...so now come more tests.
This should be fun. This has to be the BEST fall, weatherwise, of all
time. It has just been gorgeous out and the leaves just brilliant.
The ducks have been going out of their pen to play in the fish pond and grub for
bugs out on the front lawn. Their egg laying days have slowed down to just
about a halt...unless they are hiding them, which is a very real possibility!
Speaking of eggs, we got our first chicken egg today! It's small, about
half the size it should be, but it's just perfect looking. All the animals
are doing well. Special FINALLY looks like she's gaining weight. I
gave her an extra dose of wormer and she's getting TONS of fat calories.
Her winter coat is also finally coming in, so that's a bonus. Nothing has
pissed me off for a few weeks now, which seems odd now that I think about it.
It's just a matter of time I guess. :-D
October 1, 2008: I've got what feels like the flu so this
is going to be quick. Joe came and borrowed tractor, dropped off Luc's new
plow truck filled with wood from his place. Scored some free firewood from
neighbors next door who cut down a bunch of trees and wanted them gone.
Hurricane Kyle didn't do squat here over weekend except give us rain and no
wind. Fall leaves look beautiful. I just want to lay on the ground
and die. Kathy out.
September 26, 2008: I've had an epiphany.
After suffering 3 days now with the worst migraine of my life, which I am
presuming I brought on by blowing a blood vessel about that whole Hampden
Academy buttfuck vote, I'm taking a new stance on local politics around here and
that is, "Fuck it." I'm not going to give a fuck any more. It is so
not worth getting worked up over. I'm just going to go about my life and
not give a shit. Seems to work for everyone else around here just fine.
If this state and it's residents want to live in backwardsville, then so be it.
Build your fancy schmancy overpriced schools. The wealthy well-educated
people will still flock to live here and raise families even if there are no
high-paying jobs, right? And they say I'm the retarded one.
September 24, 2008: I want everyone who voted FOR
the retarded MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR new Hampden Academy to come to my house so I
can KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS. That's right--I want to cause you physical pain
because by voting FOR that unbelievable monstrosity, you are killing the rest of
us. You know, the people whose backs you get to slowly break by all these
"must haves." I just LOVE paying more in taxes every fucking year so your
goddamn kids can barely pass English 101 yet have a freaking colosseum for a
high school including a "performing arts center." Who the fuck are you
people?! Oh wait, don't answer that. You are voters who are employed
by either the town, or the state, or you are getting paid more in welfare than
some of us make in a year, and therefore you don't give a shit where the money
comes from because IT'S NOT YOURS! They shit on Massachusetts all the time
around here but this state is so much worse. Why yes, I am
pissed...EXTREMELY pissed.
September 23, 2008: I had an ABSOLUTELY fantastic 2
days off. This has to be the best autumn yet--weather has been just
perfect. PERFECT. All sun, no rain, and gorgeously cool weather,
perfect for us fatties. I actually drank some of Clare's milk and totally
grossed Luc out. It tastes just like light cream and I didn't get sick!
Luc helped move that run-in shed to just where I wanted it and I dragged the
area with the ATV so it looks and feels so nice...spent a lot of time picking
rocks. Veggie garden was a total failure (I didn't have time to keep up
with weeds) but we managed to get some tomatoes, cukes, squash, and even 4 or 5
cayenne peppers! Corn never grew more than 12 inches high, so that was a
major bummer--was really looking forward to that. We struck up the wood
stove last night and it smelled so nice! Skittles is getting braver,
coming out to the kitchen and actually hanging out on the couch. I think
Special is FINALLY gaining weight on her retarded diet of about 8 pounds of
senior feed a day, and we stopped the Pergolide because it made her loose her
appetite, and that was really bad being as thin as she was. So, her
appetite is back, her winter fur is coming in, she seems "healthy as a horse"
and I think she's gonna make it another year (I hope I hope I hope). I
have to take some pictures soon to document all these changes. Why can't I
ever think of doing this crap when it's daylight out?!
September 19, 2008: Our hay guy surprised me with a
load of SECOND CUT hay for first cut price and I was sooo happy I almost cried.
It was such a bad hay year, I would've been thankful for a bunch of first cut,
but to actually score second cut?! Holy shit it was like winning the
lottery, well, except I had to come up outta pocket, but it's so worth it!
The goats love this stuff and it's really good for old Special--nice and easy to
chew and high in protein! I wish you could smell it--it's just magical!
September 19, 2008: I'm thinking that Big Mac was laced
with something. I could not get my mind to turn off. I was up until
4 a.m. and I just don't do that...I LOVE to sleep. I finally popped some
lorazepam and slept until 8:30 but that put me waaay behind; it's trash day
doncha know. I actually managed to get all chores done before 9:00 (when
work starts) and then I was looking at the run-in shed and said, "That fucker
needs to be moved, and I'm gonna move it dammit." Luc is away all day
today with our friend Erlene, and every time I ask him to do it, he says no or
quit nagging.. So, I got the tractor, parked it under the shed, lifted
with the bucket, and took the shed for a ride. It worked out pretty damned
well actually. I think I just need to go back in some other time and
square it up just a touch because it's not getting the full brunt of the sun.
At least I know I can move it myself if I need to, and that is a good feeling.
At least you can see it in the cam again and hopefully see all the animals more
often, because that is where they love to hang out for some reason.
September 18, 2008: I'm sitting here trying to
recap if anything special happened for my log here, and Luc tells me, "Maybe you
can write about how I took you to lunch today." So, sweet. I'm gonna
hold him to that...the tricky bastid.
Well, it's almost 9 p.m. as I add this on here, and Luc did
indeed treat me to lunch in the big city of Bangor....McDonalds! I had a
hankering for a Big Mac, a total treat, and he parked the car at the end (or
maybe the beginning?) of the runway at BIA, rolled down the windows, and we
watched all sorts of neato jets come in for landings right over our heads!
One even hurt our ears it was so loud...Luc said he thinks it was a C141.
All I know is, it was COOL. Then we came home and napped because that shit
just weighs heavy on the ol' stomach. Now it's 44 degrees out and time to
feed the kids. Special gets to wear a blankie tonight while she is outside
with everyone else. I really gotta get her a new one...it used to be
Charlotte's and she's been dead now for, what, 7 years now?! That's
messed up right there. I have to give Ellie an extra big hug and kiss
tonight. I saw this PETA video yesterday that has just haunted me....it's
an undercover film from one of
Hormel's
"factory" pig farms. Awful, just awful. I don't think I can eat
any store-bought pork product again. Those eyes, those screams, knowing
how smart Ellie is...just haunting. And on that morbid note...I'm gonna go kiss all
my babies and listen to them eat. It's weird...you'd think I'd be a
veggie.September 17, 2008: Last night was a good night to
be a fattie, as it totally saved my ass, literally. It was late and I was
pushing round bales off the truck to stash in the barn. Well, apparently
my foot got caught up in some trailing bailing twine and as the round bale went
over the edge, it took me with it. I went ass over teakettle and came
crashing down on the high side of the truck bed. If I was a bony-assed
person, I'm sure I would have, at the very least, broken a rib or two and at
worst, broken my back. Thanks to my fatness, I just have some kickass
bruises to show for it. I swear, that truck is cursed and is trying to
kill me. Took a picture of the house today to showcase the shitload of
firewood we have. Hopefully it will get us through the winter okay.
September 16, 2008: Back to the weekly grind.
I do love my job but my body doesn't appreciate it. Oh why oh why does
everything have to hurt ALL the time?! I'm okay if I'm moving but the
minute I sit down...faghetaboutit. The body gets all frigged up and I
can't move for shit. The horses are busy mowing our front lawn, it's sunny
and cool...just a 10/10 day out there. Tell me, what's with America's
obsession about taking a shit? I saw maybe 3 commercials for special
yogurt and something else, oh fiber maybe, last night on the TV...all geared
towards "irregularity," i.e. taking a shit. Just damn.September 15, 2008: It feels like Florida out here! It is so warm and
steamy out--very weird and very different from yesterday where it was cold and
rainy all day. Special ate all her breakfast this morning. She's
still not gaining any weight though. Someone told me to try alfalfa
pellets. We'll give it a shot. Luc and I had coffee outside again and let
the horses chew down the lawn. Special came over for an udder scratch and
then she went to the front door, giggled, and waited for someone to give her
some apple treats. We just love that little old character. Then we
refilled the duck's pool and watched them go nuts and swim around and make
tsunami waves. I just love the mornings and sure am going to miss sitting
outside come winter. Fuck. I really hate winter. And on that
thought...I'm gonna go put on some shorts, because I totally dressed wrong for
the weather out there, and maybe clean up some more outside. Gotta do
something on my day off besides sit here writing gibberish. Oh, Luc told
me, "I hate the word blog." So, that's why I renamed this page. Why
yes, I do do almost everything he tells me. Heh...I just said do do.
September 14, 2008: This should be a day of
rest...that so totally ain't gonna happen. Had a great visit with some new
friends last night. After a hard day's work we got to relax and watch some
movies and eat all sorts of junk food. It was really nice. Haven't
done that in what seems like forever. It is a yucky looking morning
though--looks and smells like rain. Here comes the fall mud season.
Luc and I visited "Spirit
of Hope Farm" today and had a blast! We scored some great coffee and
these kickass little breakfast muffins that Jen whipped up out of nowhere!
I got to see a mini horse (first time for me!) and learn about this stuff called
mill felt (me want!), and also got to meet fellow BB'er Elisa and her hubby!
So nice to get out and socialize like a real person! I also learned that
seeing an old fashioned wooden butt paddler (aptly named "Mr. Spanky") makes me
warm and tingly all over. Is that bad?
Our new roommate is back for
the week and it doesn't feel so lonely here anymore. I really enjoy this
roommate thing we're trying out. You have no idea how much it has changed
us. I mean, let's face it...Luc and I are slobs. The house would
always be a wreck because it's just the two of us. We never got visitors
but if we did...whoo doggie would I panic! Now, no more panic. The
house is always clean and neat. My laundry is always done and put away.
I keep my office clean and life in general is much less stressful now. I
put on makeup every day and do my hair, and I don't feel like such a slob
anymore. Luc regularly shaves now and gets up in the mornings to have
coffee with me before I have to go to work. We sit out in our little
plastic chairs, watch the animals, sip our coffee, and wave to everyone who
drives by. Now our neighbors swing by just for scuz! People we never
met stop in to visit the animals. Who knew this roommate thing would be
the mental and physical boot in the ass we both needed!
September 13, 2008: "Girl, you need to write this shit
down," they said. What shit were they talking about? I honestly have
no idea. I suppose it could be the stuff that spews forth from my lips on
a daily basis. Apparently it makes people laugh or at least not feel so
bad about their lives. I have no idea what I'm going to write about.
There is no plan...no formula. I often wonder if I'm psychotic. The
voices never stop. If you were to crawl in my head, at any given time you could
hear lines from one of my favorite movies, or perhaps catch a rehashing of a
"discussion" Luc and I had about something, or maybe you'd hear a tune.
Right now I can't seem to get the song, "Little
Boxes" from the TV show called Weeds out of my head. It's bordering on
maddening at this point and I have this strong urge to drown it out by immersing
my whole head in a sink full of ice cold water, doing a Tabasco sauce shooter,
and screaming my head off in an attempt to blow up the brain cells that house
this evil ditty. If you clicked on the link
and watched/listened to it, you are now infected and get to share in my
psychosis. Fuckin-A.
